Greetings, and salutations, fellow
Lancers.
It's been some time since I have been with
the flight, but I have always been with you in my mind.
I was really surprised when I got the
Letter from Gary telling me about the web page. I never expected anyone to find
me up here in northern Minnesota.
I read that you were interested in stories
about our tours across the pond and I remembered an amusing story that I
decided I'd try and share with you.
You will have to forgive me, since I am an
ex-helicopter pilot, and not a renowned writer. So, on the lighter side of my
time over there, I shall proceed.
I am sure you all recall the mission,
which was called "Battalion Courier". It was a mission that was
generally boring and considered a waste of time. But it did have its good
points. If you got to fly to Da Nang with some pax, and got to spend some time
there waiting, you could grab a good meal at the Navy Base. Which actually gave
you a choice of food, instead of roast buffalo, rice, and gravy. You had the
package store, which had a wide assortment of booze other than warm beer on a
pallet. And with a larger exchange service you could actually find something
that you really needed. Well really wanted anyway.
Enough of this rambling, let's get on with
my story.
After a month or two in country flying
CA's or resupply missions, you are ready for a simple courier mission.
You've been flying most of the day on
various shuttle missions and enjoying how easily the day is actually going.
Hey, this courier stuff isn't half bad after all. What's all the griping about?
You get back to HQ with your last drop-off
and are told you have one more pick-up to make. As you sit on the pad someone
comes out to the aircraft and hands you a slip of paper with freq.'s and some
basic directions to take. Then the radio operator tells you that the pick-up is
on the hospital ship.
By this time, you have probably made at
least a half dozen or more landings on Eagle's Nest, so what could possibly be
a problem with landing on a large ship in the middle of large spans of water?
Now as I recall there was the U.S.S.
Repose and the U.S.S. Sanctuary that shared duties of the coast.
For the purpose of this story, we'll say
it was the Sanctuary. Those of you who have had the experience of this mission
know where this story is going, but read on, you might still enjoy a laugh or
two. For those of you who never had the pleasure of flying to, and landing on,
the Sanctuary or Repose, then this story will definitely be a hoot.
Once off the ground and obtaining
altitude, you proceed to pick up a good heading to the ship’s location. On your
way, as the A-#1 Aircraft Commander that you are, you remember to inform your crew
about the emergency procedures for ditching over water. You even remember to
tell your CE and DG to shed their "chicken plates" once you cross the
coastline, and to remove the ammo and clear their weapons.
Remember, I said you were an A-#1 A/C.
As you cross the coast and head out over
the water you look around you and get a feeling of complete peace. This is the
way flying is supposed to be. Peaceful. Blue sky above, no one shooting at you,
can't beat it. You notice the white caps on the blue water below, and you might
even see a whale or dolphins playing along in the water as you cruise to your
destination. You feel safe in the knowledge that it is highly unlikely that
"Charlie" will pop out of the waves and put a round in your backside.
In the distance you see the Sanctuary, so you prepare to put your best foot
forward and show the Navy, how the Army with the best helicopter pilots in the
world, take care of simple missions.
Remember, you are the A-#1 A/C.
You tune in the proper freq. and start the
conversation. "U.S.S. Sanctuary, this is Lancer 17, over'.
Crisp and clearer than you've heard in a
long time comes the reply: "Lancer 17, this is Sanctuary, go ahead."
So far so good. "Sanctuary, this is
Lancer 17, a US Army helicopter enroute for passenger pick-up, requesting
landing instructions, over". WOW! What a professional! You really are A-
#1!
Now, for those experienced, you know what
happens next. For those of you who did not have the pleasure, this is where it
starts to go from #1 to #10.
The reply comes quick and clear and goes
something like this. "Lancer 17, this is Sanctuary, you are cleared for a
quartering, starboard approach, to the aft poop deck. The winds are 030 degrees
relative at 10 with gusts to 15.
Call final approach." Now the first thing
that you think is that you are on the wrong freq. Because nobody talks like
this. But he called you by your call sign, so he was talking to you. Maybe some
VC got on the radio just to mess with you. No such luck. You look over at your
right seat, who is looking back at you with the same look of total bewilderment
that you are trying not to show.
Again, remember, that you are A- #1. So,
as not to appear ignorant by your right seat, and especially to the Navy, you
immediately answer. "Sanctuary, this is Lancer 17, Roger, will call
final."
Now, maybe that approach to Eagle's Nest
wasn't so bad after all. At least they spoke English. Well, with no hope of an
answer to these landing instructions from your crew, you try to reason them
out.
Now what was it that he said, oh yea, a
quartering, starboard approach. Well, the first and the last we figure out, but
that starboard thing, that's something else. It's the middle of the day; just
what stars does he figure he is seeing. Must be a Navy thing. Closed up in that
room all the time, he has begun to see things. Anyway, we are getting closer,
we better get on with the rest of the instructions.
Let’s see, what was that? The aft poop
deck. Well, again we have the first and last somewhat figured out, as long as
aft and deck are the same for the Navy as they are for the Army, but that poop
stuff? Where's he coming from? The last time you heard that you were in diapers,
and you didn't really want to discuss that now. You have always thought that
sailors were strange, but to have a special deck to take care of this business
just has to be out of the question.
Anyway, we're still getting closer, so we
better get on with our solution. The rest of the instructions were winds at 030
degrees relative. Now, I've never seen this dude before, why does he want to
talk about his relatives? He really must have spent too much time in that
little room! Well, we are coming up on the ship and the only thing that we have
firmed out is that we are to make a quartering approach to the aft deck, and
the winds are 10 with gusts to 15.
From this we have determined that we
should land to the back of the ship but from exactly which direction is still
unclear. We could call him back and ask him to clarify his instructions in
English, or at least in some form of language that the Army can understand, but
we decide that this is what he would like us to do, so that is out.
We could ask him to pop smoke, like we do
in PZ's but that again would show our ignorance, and besides, it's a ship
moving through the water. What good would that do???? Then we come across the
only logical solution. We will shoot an abbreviated, high attitude approach.
Just high enough to make it look good, but low enough to be able to see the
ground guide that they will undoubtedly put out there.
My gosh! We really are A-#1!!!! So, over
the ship we fly, and low and behold, there is the ground guide, waiting. So now
we go into our best overhead approach, and as we are turning base to final we
remember to call; "Sanctuary, this is Lancer 17, turning base to final for
the aft deck."
Again, the clear answer, " Roger,
Lancer 17, Cleared to land, the winds are still 030 degrees relative, at 10
gusting to 15". Boy, we got that right, but on our over flight we did
notice that there seemed to be a lot of the crew on deck watching, and I could
swear that some of them were passing money between them This Navy is strange.
Don't they know that they don't have to pay for these flights?? Oh well, on to
final.
As we get to short final everything is
looking great, but a couple of things soon appear. The first of these is that
this idiot boat is moving. Something that we seem to have forgotten in all the
other excitement. From our approach angle, this boat is moving sideways at
about 10 to 15 knots. Slightly different than Eagle's Nest, but we still have a
much bigger landing area.
Hell, we're A-#1, we can handle this. No
sooner have we started to make this adjustment, but the second fact of this
landing jumps up at us, and I do mean JUMP!!!! This deck is not only moving
sideways but it's moving up and down. Nothing at all like any LZ on good old
terra forma has ever done. As we get ourselves stabilized in our sideward
drift, we start to try and put our aircraft down on this yo-yo of a deck.
As you can well remember, this was a real
trip. After many ups and downs with the collective, we suddenly got close
enough to make contact. Only we feel that this was a little rough, HELL, we
thought this was very rough, and we immediately grab an armload of pitch and suddenly
find ourselves hanging out over the back of the boat at about a 10 ft hover.
Seems we forgot about the drift in our excitement!
Well as we get ourselves back in position
again, we decide that the next time we make contact with the deck we will plant
the aircraft as fast as we can, which, as it turns out, is what we should have
done in the first place. With this firmly accomplished, while some bouncing
around, we feel satisfied with a job somewhat well done.
Now we hear over the radio,
"congratulations Lancer 17". We start to think that we really
performed an outstanding landing, by Navy standards anyway, when the rest of
the message comes through. "That was the hardest landing that anyone has
survived".
With our ego totally deflated we can only
click the mike twice to acknowledge his transmission and go about our business.
As we look up at the deck we see the crew that was standing around slowly
depart, but this time we are sure that we see money passing between them.
Well, we are sure they weren't really
getting ready to pay for their rides, but actually betting on how many bounces
we would make, or on if we would actually survive!!! After we are loaded and
get our clearance for departure, we leave this floating ship of mercy, and head
back to good old terra firma, the place where we seem to belong.
We leave with a sense of embarrassment in
that we did not perform up to our expectations. But we also leave with a sense
of pride, in that we learned a valuable lesson.
We learned not to get too "into"
ourselves, and our own ego. That we should always keep our minds open and clear
for something new.
We also learned a new respect for our
fellow servicemen, and the jobs that they perform. And we learned the reason
for collapsible, shock absorbing landing gear. No wonder the Navy can make this
easy!
We vow to learn the difference between
starboard and port, and to never forget. We understand that the radio operator
was not talking about his relatives, but rather, the heading of the ship.
We never did figure out that
"poop" stuff but thought that this was just the Navy's way of telling
you what you would probably do when you tried to land your aircraft.
Oh well; all is well. We're crossing the
coastline so we should reload our weapons, put on our "chicken plates” and
get on with what we do best. Fly helicopters, of course!!!!!!!
Sorry the story took so long. I guess I
got a little windy. Hope to hear from you all soon.
Ken "friar" Fort
Lancer 17